Episode 1 of our China Adventures

After 40 hours of travel time, we are so happy to get off the plane. They didn't have our veggie meals on board, so the poor guilty steward just kept bringing us leftover fruit and cheese plates from first class. First impressions: Wow. Everything is so clean, and organized. I suppose I expected China to be closer to India than Japan in this way, but really, the Workers have really united and gotten their shit together.
Shanghai is HUGE. Can it really be 16 million people?



We arrive at our very sweet hotel, a converted mansion
from the 30's in the French Concession. We specifically
wanted a "boutique" hotel instead of one of the mega chain
super expensive ones. We have Chinese antiques in our room,
a four-poster bed, and everything is renovated beautifully.
We would be PERFECTLY happy except the bed is hard, like
most eastern beds. But there is a very mod and trendy little
restaurant where we have breakfast, and everyone is very
nice. We won't have a guide while in Shanghai (or Beijing),
so I get to try out my rudimentary Mandarin.
Surprisingly, no one is laughing out loud.

ANCIENT AND FUTURE:

We go to the Yu Yuan Gardens, an ancient gorgeous landscape in the center of the city, and walk through pavilions, and over streams, and ogle cool rocks. Then a lunch adventure. Almost nothing is available without meat - greens, some tofu, some rice. Even the "vegetable dumplings" have pork. So does the eggplant. You get the picture. Uh oh.

Next we go to the Bund - we walk along the HuangPu
River and look at the historic buildings, and the
skyscrapers of Pudong across the river. It seems that
the riverside is full of Chinese tourists, all posing
for each other in hilarious fashion. They are actually
Voguing. (Mom and Dad, seek help on this one). Next we
take the Bund Tourist Tunnel to cross under the river.
Our guidebook describes it as a cross between a haunted
house and a psychedelic train ride and utterly ridiculous,
which it is. Flashing lights, computerized sounds
and light show, all to accompany your little tram
through the tunnel. We actually laugh out loud at
how kitsch it is. The Chinese are very proud of this.
It bodes well for the opening games of the Olympics.



Then we go up the famous Pearl Radio Tower, sort of a cross
between the Eiffel Tower and a cartoon landing station, but the
third highest building in Asia. It's quite bizarre looking.
There's something to be said for a culture that will decorate
it's tallest phallic structure in PINK metallic coating.
I don't know what, exactly, but I'm sure you can say, uh, something.
And for as far as your eye can see, skyscrapers, skyscrapers,
everywhere, for 360 degrees. It's mind boggling.



For dinner, we decide to try one of the two vegetarian restaurants in town, figuring that at least if we make some mistakes in ordering, we'll be fine. Hah! Actually, MOST of the meal was excellent - a variety of greens in garlic, fried noodles, tofu, and since the Chinese do such a good job in the fake meat department, BBQ Spare Ribs.
Only they came with some unidentified other thing. I tasted it, really I did, but after much deliberation and discussion, I concluded that this mystery substance can only be Mock Grub. The Chinese take their food very seriously, and each restaurant gives us menus that are literary tomes - spiral bound or three ring binders, with hundreds of mystery items. We have to take notes in order to order.
After an exhausting day two at the Shanghai Museum - paintings, bronzes, ceramics, etc. - we wander down the antiques lane/flea market, Dong Tai Lu. I keep asking things like "are you sure we don't need any figurines of Chairman Mao? Doesn't Peggy need that Chairman Mao ashtray?"
Took some great still life photos of all the junk. Then off to the famous Huxintang Tea House in the Yu Yuan Gardens -where I mortified the old man who served us when I asked for lemon. I might as well have cursed the Chairman himself....The tea was served in the smallest possible cups, and accompanied by - mystery eggs. Really. Small brown and white marbleized things the size of grape tomatoes. Kirk, treating this as an episode of Survivor, actually ate two. I, after my mock grub experience, declined. I'm more of a cookie with tea girl, myself.

We tried another "Vegetarian" restaurant that night, which was also excellent, though it took us half an hour to maneuver through the menu.
Here are some of my favorite offerings:
(it reads a bit like a certain Monty Python skit, eh?) Sauteed Clover with Pigs, Bowel Deep Fried Sparrow, Sauteed Shreds of Birds of Peace with Paste. The Verdure of Towel Gourd in Casserole Delicacies of Every Kind in Skilly Assorted Noodless Adding Up Brawn.Go ahead.

YOU order.


To be continued next week...



By Jackie Tileston